I’ve been trying to think of the right words but really there are no right words .

Unless You walk in our shoes ; and I seriously hope you never have to , you won’t know how you will deal with the grief .

I’m constantly told I’m strong , brave and sometimes an inspiration. I don’t feel any of these . I feel defeated , 1/2 empty and lonely most of the time . Don’t misunderstand Laurie is my rock and the family and my friends (and the kids friends) are always there for me but there are voids that can never be filled only “replaced” or “back filled” if that makes sense. Xx

I could stay in bed and reject the world . I can’t fix this and I always fix things ! I could cry scream and throw things but that wouldn’t help.

I chose to get up and fill my days with activities Shelb loved . It was the best decision for me to have our Grandkids for the week . I am thankful Caleb has been able to spend it with me and yesterday spending the day on the beach with Ben and the Ninch family was wonderful

Yes it’s hard . Yes I wish for nothing more than to hear Shelb yell “Caleb” because he has splashed her or to see Isaack get dunked from the Kayak by Ben but I feel them in spirit down here and I know they had good times on the beach and around the fire so I refuse to tarnish the memories with tears xx

Two years tomorrow since I kissed you but we spoke yesterday and everyday . I hear you in my mind and because we were so close nothing will ever change that xx

It’s another beautiful day at White Beach . Time to get up and take the fur baby for a walk xx

Thankyou to all of you for your constant love and support.