It does get easier when you adjust your thinking . Well it is for me .

Everything I do reminds me of you because we did so much together but as long as I keep positive memories I can enjoy what we are doing not be sad that your not here . Don’t get me wrong I miss you every minute but I know neither of you would want us giving up on this life so we continue to get out and about.

Converting your room slowly to Rosie’s Room – you will always have a presence there but I know you wouldn’t want it to be a shrine or museum so we will make it practical so that Ben and Sam can come stay as well .

First Easter without you physically with us . Having the little ones there and other family and friends made it a pleasurable one . You were thought of often and remembered .

Felt like a long day today . I was tired – hadn’t slept well and it was relatively quiet at work .

We all have days like it . We just need to accept that “it is what it is” and that the Sun will come up tomorrow and we will have a better day .

Xx

Met with one of Shelbs beautiful friends today for her birthday.

I lost a daughter but have been given a mini village of daughters .

You chose your friends well Shelb . I know if it had of been them and not you you would be doing the same thing . Looking after their mumma’s . I in turn will be there for all of them when they need me – as you were there for them .

Watching early morning tv before we head out to fish .

Ann Hathaway one of my all time favourites is on the tv talking up Oceans 8 .

I’m stealing something she said for those of us dealing with “stuff” that is huge .

It is like “don’t be shit”

“What if I was enough today “. I think it speaks volumes most of us try so hard to be what we need to be and end up exhausted or a nervous wreck . No one expects it . Just be enough xx

This popped up

As a memory shared from a few years ago .

So appropriate.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby’s face, or love in the eyes of a woman.

Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.

Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.

Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever. — Robert N.

Still my favourite day of the week . Has a different feel now days . We are either heading for the shack or filling in our days with the Grandkids .

Busy is the key – just not chaotic busy . Afternoons dozing /watching Netflix or the football .

Being kind to yourself whilst acknowledging your not a superhero and are allowed to admit it .

I gave in and I’m taking an antidepressant to just take the edge off some of the emotional highs and lows – yes I know I am allowed to grieve but issue is that the “waves ” when they hit can engulf the whole shore which then takes up the whole day because you are emotionally and physically drained .

Shelbi and Isaack would know how missed they are . My theory is they don’t need me making them feel bad for not being here and causing my sadness . They didn’t choose to leave. They wouldn’t want any of us giving up on this life . We can’t waste our lives .

Every morning is the same . I get up I think I can’t be stuffed walking . Then she starts whinging and makes me drag my backside out of bed and get moving . I play the tunes . Reflect and feel better afterwards . Got to wonder if the kids aren’t out there egging May on . Glad for it if they are xx

A lot of people have shared posts today . It’s three months since we had to say “see yah” .

I hope you and Isaack have come to terms with your new surroundings. Depending on who you talk to they say it can take a while for you to accept especially when it is sudden (we know the feeling xx) we miss you every minute of every day . I talk to you all the time and because I knew you so well I know what you would say . I feel lucky that we had such a great relationship xx

I’m sure your chuffed that through Donate Life you have made a difference and I have a surprise coming for you . Just have to wait for it all to be official but you will be stoked .

Love you kiddo xx

Out to dinner for our 4th Anniversary. We had a lovely night . We did our best to do what Shelbi and the other siblings would want and what we needed to do .

“Life needs to go on ” milestones need acknowledging and celebrating .

Thankyou Laurie Gill for a lovely night . I’m still Chockas xx